i've never felt so restless.

theres possibility everywhere and i feel like in one part its just down the street but in another part theres this wall of 2 years put up for me to go through until i can finally, finally, finally, finally, finally, finally go. leaving is hard but going will be the best, best feeling in the world. i want to create things for 6 hours in a studio. thats all i want. that is all i want in my life and so far, all i need.


i can't believe how hard my mom is working to keep us from not surviving the last few months/years. so amazing. its almost over. almost over. no worries. now i just know how to take care of myself when i need to.


jesus was so cool. i wish that people would realize that in a safe way. christianity is insane.


if i could draw a diagram of my mind right now, 20% of me would be stuck at age 13 and the rest is floating around in spiritual realms as a light orb in some labrynth somewhere. figuring stuff out.


I WANT TO GO WHERE PEOPLE SHARE. I WANT TO GO MAKE THINGS.

feeling nostalgic

towards the times when i wasn't too busy to notice my real problems. so i'm going to go watch a film that makes me notice. i used to do that a lot when i was younger and be really into music and movies that made me feel bad like i should. like watching thumbsucker or listening to somber indie rock. you know what i'm talking about. so i'm going to go do that now, because i have reason. but i will just say that i am a part of a living soap opera.

i'm lightheaded

there is SO MUCH TO DO IN THIS WORLD! so many things are out there for me to participate in and i can't wait to do it! i need to go to school, i need to get out of high school and dig deep into what i actually have to do and that is DESIGN THE FUTURE!

i am going to CHANGE THE WORLD!
my head is spinning so fast i'm about to break my neck. i just want to design and help and create and just make everything BETTER...thats my purpose in life! to a buddhist i'm a grasper, i see something and see how it can be better. i'm literally busting at my mental and emotional seams right now, i just don't want to be repressed by high school any longer! i need to go somewhere where i can just create as my work. not as my side job. i dont want to do it for money right now, i just want to start building something...except i need the money, so thats another restraint. but i will find the people that need my services most, i will help them gain ground in this world by visually communicaiting their cause and give them the tools to do what they have to do!

i am so inspired right now i am literally shivering. i have never felt this purposeful in my life.