drawing a picture

glee leads to motivation which leads to comittment which leads to activity which leads to overstimulation which leads to apathy which leads to reconstruction which leads to fucking up days which leads to repair which leads to teetering contentment which tips either way on any given day of which i am the victim of my own thoughts influencing the sway

strong beams of dedications sliding in different directions and interlocking in semipermanent fixures and rusting in other places clamping me in the center not pulling me but locking me and i try to shift one beam and the rest shift with them, so nothing stays the same if one rafter leaves my life and dissapointed in the direction im going because i will look at it from different eyes and realize im not doing what i should be and will regret it later even though i may be enjoying myself it does not measure proportionally to what you are doing.
the biggest beam doesnt shift and i slide up and down along it in this era influenced by the other shafts around me but always locked inbetween intersections of dedications and motivations that i gently push or pull away as i get older until when im old there will only be two beams left

these are a few of my favorite things

a place where tennis is the way of life and the weather always complies, where your only worry is getting too hot, a place where the actual magic of a huge professional tournament rubs off on the place and you get the inspiration to play your best because you love the sport like your right leg and if you ever had to leave it it would hurt. where you could live off of this one thing for the rest of your life because it gives you everything you need and the only gear your mind has put into drive is to follow the little yellow ball.
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a place where i can ride my bike in flip flops to the bakery downtown and to the country club for a pick up game and an ice tea outside afterwards, where i can wander the streets alone at eleven at night after dinner at your favorite restaurant and with the culture your an outsider but with the people, they all want to know you. a place where you can trust your neighbor, you can trust your parents, you can even trust yourself and believe that this is all you need and not much more.
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a/b

a) my life is so different than i think it is sometimes, im really pretty normal. just a little more interesting. whether im dissapointed or not i guess as long as i'm having fun.


b) spring is always change for the last four years its been something challenging and it hurt me and because i am an earth sign...and the natural changes in spring are new, budding, replacements and transitions of flowers plants the baby birds in the nest at my front door...it affects me like it affects the earth, i guess, because nothing will ever be the same each coming spring and i will have to grow like the earth. i am the earth and the closer to it i am the better i will understand but the more i will feel. the effects of loss of promises and security affect my affections and to whom i will give my trust but i'll just throw it up for grabs and it will sink into the earth. not lost but deep rooted and i will never and always be the same person.

you just don't know

i really really really really really need you
step aside from your life a second and just look at me
if you had any idea

sooo cuuuuute

the first few minutes are golden

totally

from astrologyzone.com

Virgo has not had it easy because simultaneously with Uranus' opposition to your Sun, you are also dealing with Saturn on your Sun. If you were born in August, specifically within five days of August 26, you are coping with the heavy responsibilities of Saturn. (Fortunately you are done with Uranus!)

Chances are, you chose the obligations, goals, and commitments that Saturn coaxed you to take on because everything you are doing is new - it is taking a lot of thinking, so at times you may feel exhausted by all life is asking of you. It is a bit like being top chef in a kitchen with many pots boiling on the stove at the same time. You've got to watch all the pots, without becoming distracted, so that none of the food burns - not easy!

On top of all this, you just went through two years of eclipses in Pisces and Virgo (March 2006 to February 2008), which were also difficult placements that also required stiff adjustments. Those eclipses are finished and this series won't be back for nine years. Whew!

The job of an eclipse is to shed new light on a situation. Often after an eclipse has occurred, it seems as though someone switched on the floodlights, and it may all seem quite blinding at first. It's hard to ignore the truth and irrefutable evidence that eclipses bring to light, and often this truth causes a severing of ties.

The eclipses, Saturn and Uranus - all very rare planetary tests, all coming at once - have been a lot for you. So, you might ask, why all this stress? Why does the universe do this to us? Does it serve a purpose? Why does the universe pile on so much?

I have thought about this question a great deal. It seems to me, the people who try the hardest to create things of value in this world and who try to be most helpful to others are invariably the ones that feel these cosmic tests the most. These same people also feel the greatest rewards - the spectrum is simply enlarged. You have had some terribly down days, but have (or soon will) experience some great highs as well. It's all a matter of proportion. People who live within very tight perimeters don't risk anything, don't learn anything, and don't earn many rewards. It all comes together in the same package. Life can be messy, but things really do go toward the good, and we must have faith in that.

and with spring it comes

im staring to remember what in fact genuinley makes me happy. the superficial and half-hearted revivals of my favorite past times have damaged my idea of my happiness and i'm starting to mend it.