drawing a picture

glee leads to motivation which leads to comittment which leads to activity which leads to overstimulation which leads to apathy which leads to reconstruction which leads to fucking up days which leads to repair which leads to teetering contentment which tips either way on any given day of which i am the victim of my own thoughts influencing the sway

strong beams of dedications sliding in different directions and interlocking in semipermanent fixures and rusting in other places clamping me in the center not pulling me but locking me and i try to shift one beam and the rest shift with them, so nothing stays the same if one rafter leaves my life and dissapointed in the direction im going because i will look at it from different eyes and realize im not doing what i should be and will regret it later even though i may be enjoying myself it does not measure proportionally to what you are doing.
the biggest beam doesnt shift and i slide up and down along it in this era influenced by the other shafts around me but always locked inbetween intersections of dedications and motivations that i gently push or pull away as i get older until when im old there will only be two beams left