last night involved:
-getting a perfect seat at the nada surf show, thanks to chona
-meowing, with chona too
-going to the triple door for the first time, falling into infatuation with it
-seeing nada surf, above all
-matthew caws remembering my face
-dancing onstage, thanks to anna, without her i would have the biggest case of self-conciousness ever
-dancing in the audience
-fulfilling my teenager dreemz
-finding out one of my biggest artistic inspirations and loves, autumn de wilde, purchased one of my headbands! extra emphasis there...
-getting the full art copy of lucky and seeing part of my entry in there
-seeing people i know and love
-almost crying out of happiness
-falling asleep to lucky
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
philosophy on philosophy on philosophy
philosophy makes me want to rip my heart out. simplicity is more complicated that i think it is and tenfold more difficult to achieve, even in ideology let alone the physical world. im going to study it for a while, i'm assuming, then maybe i'll have a few for myself, perfectly packaged and without personal conflictions or contradictions. but for now, its a little bit excrutiating...
Saturday, January 26, 2008
cheif sealth
Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one
thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to
ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect.
-Chief Seattle
Thursday, January 24, 2008
seperation
the separation between the natural human experience and what we know today as modern society has been widely growing since the beginning of recorded history, and in the "western world" we've been falling into it only to catch illuminated glimpses of either side: the possibilities modern global growth holds, or how great it was back in the good old days of barbaric freedom.
this gap is not a balance between the two, but rather a falling away from the true potentials each condition holds. its not anti-civilization against social structure in our real conscience: we all want the conveniences and short cuts of modern living but i think even more most of us want fulfillment, and i think fulfillment of life lies somewhere above that gap we're nuzzling deeper into every minute, stable and clear. some "technologies" we've taken too far and the others we ha vent taken far enough. a prime example is modern medicine: shouldn't its motive be to protect the lives of those who have so much more to live out? the young and ambitious that are suffering from diseases and disabilities that hamper their individual growth, and they get an answer from their doctor that stomps on all hope of normal survival; when grandpa at 84 is down the hall in the cancer ward getting radiation treatment for a cancer he's had for years and is ready to leave his body? what a waste of doctors, supplies, medicines, energy! we've been separated from the nature of death, convinced that with medicine we can be invincible and immortal. but why would anyone want to be? why are we so scared of leaving? in all honesty, i've found in my experiences that those who are living unfulfilling and unsatisfying lives are the ones that are truly afraid of dying.
in our unconsciously confused state of mind, we redefined what it is to be normal - to go against many of our instincts, to dull our impulses and stifle our creativity. when in fact what is normal is intuition, it is to do whats best for ourselves and in that pursuit do whats best for others. for instance, why in america is there so much resistance against eating healthily? why is dieting a common concept, why was it even created at all? a human beings natural, normal instinct is to "exercise" and "eat right". healthy living has become such a burden because we're continuously separated from the origins of our need to eat and run. its to replace something we tried to replace before when nothing of our natural human state needed replacing at all...
this gap is not a balance between the two, but rather a falling away from the true potentials each condition holds. its not anti-civilization against social structure in our real conscience: we all want the conveniences and short cuts of modern living but i think even more most of us want fulfillment, and i think fulfillment of life lies somewhere above that gap we're nuzzling deeper into every minute, stable and clear. some "technologies" we've taken too far and the others we ha vent taken far enough. a prime example is modern medicine: shouldn't its motive be to protect the lives of those who have so much more to live out? the young and ambitious that are suffering from diseases and disabilities that hamper their individual growth, and they get an answer from their doctor that stomps on all hope of normal survival; when grandpa at 84 is down the hall in the cancer ward getting radiation treatment for a cancer he's had for years and is ready to leave his body? what a waste of doctors, supplies, medicines, energy! we've been separated from the nature of death, convinced that with medicine we can be invincible and immortal. but why would anyone want to be? why are we so scared of leaving? in all honesty, i've found in my experiences that those who are living unfulfilling and unsatisfying lives are the ones that are truly afraid of dying.
in our unconsciously confused state of mind, we redefined what it is to be normal - to go against many of our instincts, to dull our impulses and stifle our creativity. when in fact what is normal is intuition, it is to do whats best for ourselves and in that pursuit do whats best for others. for instance, why in america is there so much resistance against eating healthily? why is dieting a common concept, why was it even created at all? a human beings natural, normal instinct is to "exercise" and "eat right". healthy living has become such a burden because we're continuously separated from the origins of our need to eat and run. its to replace something we tried to replace before when nothing of our natural human state needed replacing at all...
Saturday, January 12, 2008
wow, this is old!
its funny i was thinking this way in june. i guess by this time, school was still in and my life was in a post-rocky times position. recovering, reflecting. however some of my reflecting is kind of irrelevant of the situation. this stings, though.
anyways, here is an old ramble-essay:
The times when I felt the most, when I couldn’t contain my excitement or when I felt so much pain I had to hide, they are like a scar in my brain that will always be there. The details have been blurred and the facts have been forgotten but I can clearly recall my feelings.
I don’t remember how my logic was the day I thanked Bill Whitman for everything he gave me. I don’t remember if I tried not to cry, or if I tried to compose myself. I remember crying, and emma dragging me wailing to the bathroom. I don’t remember how I got to sobbing on the phone hours after I heard about eric, when it just hit me, I just hung up the phone and had to shut down. When I was in Kansas city, that’s just a faint memory at this point. But there has only been one more rare occasion, the one listed above, where I have ached any more. I don’t remember how I passed my days or how my thoughts went. But I felt like dying. I did, in a way. But something was born in replacement, and I could experience.
The memories in my mind of the best times of my life, I remember how I felt exactly. I got so happy my jaw chattered and I got a high squeaky voice from being excited. They helped me grow as much as the tragic times did. I learned what was important to me, what made me tick, my reason for existence essentially. I found what I loved and another piece of the puzzle was found. I’d chronicle each moment in my mind, each little event that made my heart flutter a bit; it was just all the bits of reality that added up to my feeling. The reality that translated into honest happiness in my mind. Many nights I’d come home and I swear to god, I could have died happy right then. I hope when I do get to die, its going to be in one of those moments. I want to set myself up for that situation, I always want to be in a life that to me means that I can leave it knowing I had everything I needed. Of course I will always have more than I need, but the consciousness to realize that all the time is just so hard to summon, I think for everyone. It’s a struggle to be happy with what one has. Everyone can be happy. My life is wonderful – I’m honestly free of hardships. But with things like death and change and hurting and stress that pop up in my life its so hard to see this.
Growing up is learning to let go. But in this process I found that one can only experience pure, true happiness after they have felt real sadness, real anger. Up until the summer of my 12th-going-on-13th year I had never felt like that before, like I was losing so much I could never get back. But after that, when I was open to more feeling, when things were going great and carefree, I knew what bliss felt like. That’s when I realized, I didn’t have to try to feel. Feeling comes. You can’t stop it, you can’t start it.
anyways, here is an old ramble-essay:
The times when I felt the most, when I couldn’t contain my excitement or when I felt so much pain I had to hide, they are like a scar in my brain that will always be there. The details have been blurred and the facts have been forgotten but I can clearly recall my feelings.
I don’t remember how my logic was the day I thanked Bill Whitman for everything he gave me. I don’t remember if I tried not to cry, or if I tried to compose myself. I remember crying, and emma dragging me wailing to the bathroom. I don’t remember how I got to sobbing on the phone hours after I heard about eric, when it just hit me, I just hung up the phone and had to shut down. When I was in Kansas city, that’s just a faint memory at this point. But there has only been one more rare occasion, the one listed above, where I have ached any more. I don’t remember how I passed my days or how my thoughts went. But I felt like dying. I did, in a way. But something was born in replacement, and I could experience.
The memories in my mind of the best times of my life, I remember how I felt exactly. I got so happy my jaw chattered and I got a high squeaky voice from being excited. They helped me grow as much as the tragic times did. I learned what was important to me, what made me tick, my reason for existence essentially. I found what I loved and another piece of the puzzle was found. I’d chronicle each moment in my mind, each little event that made my heart flutter a bit; it was just all the bits of reality that added up to my feeling. The reality that translated into honest happiness in my mind. Many nights I’d come home and I swear to god, I could have died happy right then. I hope when I do get to die, its going to be in one of those moments. I want to set myself up for that situation, I always want to be in a life that to me means that I can leave it knowing I had everything I needed. Of course I will always have more than I need, but the consciousness to realize that all the time is just so hard to summon, I think for everyone. It’s a struggle to be happy with what one has. Everyone can be happy. My life is wonderful – I’m honestly free of hardships. But with things like death and change and hurting and stress that pop up in my life its so hard to see this.
Growing up is learning to let go. But in this process I found that one can only experience pure, true happiness after they have felt real sadness, real anger. Up until the summer of my 12th-going-on-13th year I had never felt like that before, like I was losing so much I could never get back. But after that, when I was open to more feeling, when things were going great and carefree, I knew what bliss felt like. That’s when I realized, I didn’t have to try to feel. Feeling comes. You can’t stop it, you can’t start it.
very awesome
name meanings
http://www.behindthename.com/name/dylan
http://www.ancestry.com/facts/rupert-name-meaning.ashx?fn=dylan&yr=
i think the whole "of the sea" thing relates to my nautical obsessions. how amazing!
http://www.behindthename.com/name/dylan
http://www.ancestry.com/facts/rupert-name-meaning.ashx?fn=dylan&yr=
i think the whole "of the sea" thing relates to my nautical obsessions. how amazing!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
i'd say what seems to be an overwhelming majority
of prominent public figures who truly had something to say in the 1960s were killed by a gunshot.
my utopian educational future
college hopes, dreams, all here. in a handy guide to the insights of my educational future, granted im awarded thousands of dollars in beautiful, beautiful scholarship money and i get into the brown/rhode island school of design degree program.
providence here i come.
behold, the five-year formal learning experience of my dreams,
THE RISD/BROWN DUAL DEGREE PROGRAM!
http://www.risd.edu/campus_initiatives_brown.htm
BROWN: philosiphy
what interests me is philisophical LOGIC!!! oh my god. and political, language, ethics, and metaphysics fascinate me too. but logic just pushes my buttons.
http://gradschool.brown.edu/index.php?progid=1110482545
RISD: graphic design, of course!
its what i was born to do and currently i've been inspired to make the world better with it. design anarchy by kalle lasn is inspiring and reinforcing.
http://www.risd.edu/graphic.cfm
providence here i come.
behold, the five-year formal learning experience of my dreams,
THE RISD/BROWN DUAL DEGREE PROGRAM!
http://www.risd.edu/campus_initiatives_brown.htm
BROWN: philosiphy
what interests me is philisophical LOGIC!!! oh my god. and political, language, ethics, and metaphysics fascinate me too. but logic just pushes my buttons.
http://gradschool.brown.edu/index.php?progid=1110482545
RISD: graphic design, of course!
its what i was born to do and currently i've been inspired to make the world better with it. design anarchy by kalle lasn is inspiring and reinforcing.
http://www.risd.edu/graphic.cfm
Monday, January 7, 2008
new years goals
discover bob dylan
make more good friendships
fall in love with something other than a song or season
find a bike riding buddy
make the tennis team
improve upon my vinyl collection
complain less
stop letting small events get me down
make more good friendships
fall in love with something other than a song or season
find a bike riding buddy
make the tennis team
improve upon my vinyl collection
complain less
stop letting small events get me down
Saturday, January 5, 2008
new art venture
at least for my personal artistic development in two mediums. i doubt i'll be selling these.
illustration and diana photograph companions. most likely ink illustrations that match whatever i shoot with my diana camera. the film will be black and white and the drawings will be black ink white paper, unless it is a very dark photograph in which i might consider using grey.
another idea to pursue is short stories, illustrated by photographs bound in small hardcover books. the good thing about that too, would be that it would flex my graphic design skills, at least in typography.
i'm becoming interested in illustrations that use more shadows and lines to create figures than simply drawing what one sees. something about aboriginal art has inspired me. dot paintings are really visually satisfying to me for some reason, but there was one huge painting at the SAM that i really liked, it was billions of white feather-like strokes on black.
illustration and diana photograph companions. most likely ink illustrations that match whatever i shoot with my diana camera. the film will be black and white and the drawings will be black ink white paper, unless it is a very dark photograph in which i might consider using grey.
another idea to pursue is short stories, illustrated by photographs bound in small hardcover books. the good thing about that too, would be that it would flex my graphic design skills, at least in typography.
i'm becoming interested in illustrations that use more shadows and lines to create figures than simply drawing what one sees. something about aboriginal art has inspired me. dot paintings are really visually satisfying to me for some reason, but there was one huge painting at the SAM that i really liked, it was billions of white feather-like strokes on black.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
i miss christmas!
i miss it really bad. christmas was semi loners and i want a REAL one again! wahhh.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
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