what the fuck does "living in the present" or "in the moment" mean anyway?
i got it!
to be as happy as i can be as a fifteen year old
to be as happy as i can be wherever i am
Monday, March 31, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
spring break phase I
story:
thursday morning at 6am i realize, while trying to pack a little before school, i left my tennis racket at the match at volunteer the night before. up until third period im flipping out in epic proportions, until i call coach troupe and he says coach philban has it on the o'dea bus and i can pick it up when they practice at volunteer park at 1:30. so my mom only wants to make it one trip to pick me up and get the racket, so we go to volunteer at 2:30 and no ones there. so, more scrambling continues and i never get my racket back before we leave. and im pissed.
then we had to finish packing in an hour and headed off to the airport. we checked our bags, bought some dinner, and went to the gate. the flight was overbooked, so they asked if there were any volunteers who would take another flight and would get a free nonstop ticket. so my moms like OMG!11!!1 and she strikes up this deal: if we can fly directly into palm springs friday morning at 7am, instead of flying into ontario and having to drive, we would take the free tickets. and also they'd have to get our bags back to us, because we'd be staying in a hotel overnight. so they promise us these things, and we get food and hotel vouchers and what not. i'm waiting, reading right next to the oversize baggage spot for an hour when the people tell me to move. our luggage hasn't come at all and my mom comes back from getting the hotel vouchers and stuff, and tells me they didnt get our bags. i actually flip a shit and drop the f bomb over the institution. so we finally get a shuttle to the comfort suites in tukwila, after buying toiletries from the newstand at the airport (spring break tukwila 08!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). we have to stay the night there, and catch the shuttle back to the airport at 5:30. but we do get to fly right into palm springs, and two free tickets for a vacation later. so its 9ish by the time we get into our room with our cold sandwiches from 4 hours ago, and they were nasty, so then we had wash our faces with hotel soap and go to sleep in the same clothes. thank god my mom had her make up with her, so in the morning we woke up at 5am, and went back to the airport 30 minutes later.
at the airport, we get past security and want to go the big fancy part of the airport with all the good food, and go to the dish delish place. since we have about $50 in food vouchers from alaska airlines, we not only get breakfast and lunch but i get some green tea mints, chocolate easter almonds and caramels and chocolate covered pears. it counts as food. so then, happy as clams, sans the part about really needing a shower and change of clothes, we walk towards the train to take us to the N gates (and we see maddie on the way, crazy!). once we get off at the N gates, my mom says, wait, what gate are we at again? she looks at the ticket and it says D6. we get back on the train and are both all, thank god we still have like half an hour. so we get to D6 and get in line, realizing about two minutes later its boarding a flight to san fransisco. my mom looks at the departures screen and learns that in fact, the gate was at N like i instinctivley went to, since that was our gate on thursday. my mom says, FUCK, RUN! so she can only run in heels as fast as i can speedwalk in my silver elf shoes, so we get back on the N train and stand about 3 inches away from the door, and im ready to book it. so i get to our gate and ONE last person is boarding and were like phew! were here, don't give our seats away! and they said they already had. and my mom literally just started sobbing and said no, please we have to get on! we went to the wrong gate!!!! ...because we couldnt get in at 4, we would miss the tournament...so literally im like, fuck! and start crying too, and then my moms having an emotional breakdown...but then, two people come off the plane and we go back on and im like AHHHH!!!!! i hope they get all the free tickets they want in the world! so everyones staring at my mom and i when we get on the plane...a) were gross and in the same clothes as yesterday b) we were both crying c) the plane was supposed to leave by the time we got on, basically. so were on the plane and my mom and i are like omg for about ten minutes and then i sleep.
and we get off the plane, and palm springs + pants and cardigan = not best friends, but we get the car and speed off to the house! and then i take a shower and scrub myself to death. and we go to the pacific life open and have the best day ever.
seriously, epic right?
thursday morning at 6am i realize, while trying to pack a little before school, i left my tennis racket at the match at volunteer the night before. up until third period im flipping out in epic proportions, until i call coach troupe and he says coach philban has it on the o'dea bus and i can pick it up when they practice at volunteer park at 1:30. so my mom only wants to make it one trip to pick me up and get the racket, so we go to volunteer at 2:30 and no ones there. so, more scrambling continues and i never get my racket back before we leave. and im pissed.
then we had to finish packing in an hour and headed off to the airport. we checked our bags, bought some dinner, and went to the gate. the flight was overbooked, so they asked if there were any volunteers who would take another flight and would get a free nonstop ticket. so my moms like OMG!11!!1 and she strikes up this deal: if we can fly directly into palm springs friday morning at 7am, instead of flying into ontario and having to drive, we would take the free tickets. and also they'd have to get our bags back to us, because we'd be staying in a hotel overnight. so they promise us these things, and we get food and hotel vouchers and what not. i'm waiting, reading right next to the oversize baggage spot for an hour when the people tell me to move. our luggage hasn't come at all and my mom comes back from getting the hotel vouchers and stuff, and tells me they didnt get our bags. i actually flip a shit and drop the f bomb over the institution. so we finally get a shuttle to the comfort suites in tukwila, after buying toiletries from the newstand at the airport (spring break tukwila 08!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). we have to stay the night there, and catch the shuttle back to the airport at 5:30. but we do get to fly right into palm springs, and two free tickets for a vacation later. so its 9ish by the time we get into our room with our cold sandwiches from 4 hours ago, and they were nasty, so then we had wash our faces with hotel soap and go to sleep in the same clothes. thank god my mom had her make up with her, so in the morning we woke up at 5am, and went back to the airport 30 minutes later.
at the airport, we get past security and want to go the big fancy part of the airport with all the good food, and go to the dish delish place. since we have about $50 in food vouchers from alaska airlines, we not only get breakfast and lunch but i get some green tea mints, chocolate easter almonds and caramels and chocolate covered pears. it counts as food. so then, happy as clams, sans the part about really needing a shower and change of clothes, we walk towards the train to take us to the N gates (and we see maddie on the way, crazy!). once we get off at the N gates, my mom says, wait, what gate are we at again? she looks at the ticket and it says D6. we get back on the train and are both all, thank god we still have like half an hour. so we get to D6 and get in line, realizing about two minutes later its boarding a flight to san fransisco. my mom looks at the departures screen and learns that in fact, the gate was at N like i instinctivley went to, since that was our gate on thursday. my mom says, FUCK, RUN! so she can only run in heels as fast as i can speedwalk in my silver elf shoes, so we get back on the N train and stand about 3 inches away from the door, and im ready to book it. so i get to our gate and ONE last person is boarding and were like phew! were here, don't give our seats away! and they said they already had. and my mom literally just started sobbing and said no, please we have to get on! we went to the wrong gate!!!! ...because we couldnt get in at 4, we would miss the tournament...so literally im like, fuck! and start crying too, and then my moms having an emotional breakdown...but then, two people come off the plane and we go back on and im like AHHHH!!!!! i hope they get all the free tickets they want in the world! so everyones staring at my mom and i when we get on the plane...a) were gross and in the same clothes as yesterday b) we were both crying c) the plane was supposed to leave by the time we got on, basically. so were on the plane and my mom and i are like omg for about ten minutes and then i sleep.
and we get off the plane, and palm springs + pants and cardigan = not best friends, but we get the car and speed off to the house! and then i take a shower and scrub myself to death. and we go to the pacific life open and have the best day ever.
seriously, epic right?
Saturday, March 15, 2008
=
free time = free mind
i think too much
-jealously ruins everything
-patience is good
-its hard to tell when its my fault
-school years shouldn't be my measure of social accomplishments
i think too much
-jealously ruins everything
-patience is good
-its hard to tell when its my fault
-school years shouldn't be my measure of social accomplishments
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
amazing quotes from an amazing memoir
here are quotes that resonated with me like no other from "sleeping where i fall" by peter coyote:
"Confidence can be taught if we can arrange for it to be experienced."
"The Mime Troupe helped me to examine the insufficiencies of liberalism: the generosity towards others that is predictated on first sustaining one's own privledge."
"From within, every culture appears as seamless as a dream...If you accept without question premises of profit and private property and if you pursue those ends, even in the best of faith, then eventually the cultural mall we call America will stand before you, the product of your cumulative efforts."
"Freedom within the relentless pressures of a market-driven society appeared impossible precisely because of its stultifying effects on the imagination in all reaslm but the material."
"From our point of view, freedom involved first liberating the imagination from economic assumptions of profit and private property that demanded existence at the expense of personal truthfulness and honor, then living according to personal authenticity and fidelity to innder directives and impulses."
"An anarchist by temperment..." -commentary: political theory and temperment are the two definitions of anarchy, and temperment is used most commonly to portray the uncivilian and reckless image of anarchy we see today
"She still burns like a sun, and her example informs my anger whenever pundits dismiss the sixties as a playpen for lethargic, self-indulgent people and blame them for today's social problems."
"Freedom forced people to improvise at the edges of their imagination in a common quest for transformation. It was not a bad dream; like eall utopian visions it was rooted in high expectations about what people could accomplish when working in concert."
"But accepting the planet as the most inclusive frame of reference subliminally unites rather than divides people, giving them all equal standing under the sun, and diminishes opportunities for contested space, status differentials, and voilence."
"...Women understood that their lot in life was an arbitrary social convention and not a preordained natural state."
"'Do your own thing made authority impossible, even legitamate authority.' Ron admitted. 'We reacted to false authority, which demeans true authority. True authority is skill, insight, and knowledge.'"
"Richard and Kirby assembled a geodesic dome in what had once been the garden of the main house...[list of people] spent the first winter in that fifteen-foot-diameter dome, which also served as the family kitchen and art studio." -pre-reading this book vision for my future, then reading this was insane
"'Capitalism is dying, boy. It's dying of its own internal contradictions. You think that the revolution's gonna take give years. It's gonna take fifty! So keep your head down and hang in for the long-haul, because I'll tell you something. The sons of bitches running things don't give a shit about theier children or their grandchildren, and they certainly don't give a shit about you! They've paid their dues, and they want to get out with theirs! They're gonna sell off everything thats not nailed down tot the highest bidder. Don't get crushed when it topples down. Take care of yourself and your family. If you can make a difference, do it, but there are huge forces at work here, and they have to play themsleves out according to their own design, not yours. Watch yourself.' As far as I can determine, everything he prophesied has come true." -from his dad
"High ideals and visionary brilliance were no substitute for daily practice grounded in spiritual insight."
"'We were creating a culture instead of creating a life.' -Freeman House"
"'People always tell you who they are. If someone laughs and says, Boy, am I a shit! believe them!' I should have remembered."
that book was amazing, i think coyote and i are parallel souls.
"Confidence can be taught if we can arrange for it to be experienced."
"The Mime Troupe helped me to examine the insufficiencies of liberalism: the generosity towards others that is predictated on first sustaining one's own privledge."
"From within, every culture appears as seamless as a dream...If you accept without question premises of profit and private property and if you pursue those ends, even in the best of faith, then eventually the cultural mall we call America will stand before you, the product of your cumulative efforts."
"Freedom within the relentless pressures of a market-driven society appeared impossible precisely because of its stultifying effects on the imagination in all reaslm but the material."
"From our point of view, freedom involved first liberating the imagination from economic assumptions of profit and private property that demanded existence at the expense of personal truthfulness and honor, then living according to personal authenticity and fidelity to innder directives and impulses."
"An anarchist by temperment..." -commentary: political theory and temperment are the two definitions of anarchy, and temperment is used most commonly to portray the uncivilian and reckless image of anarchy we see today
"She still burns like a sun, and her example informs my anger whenever pundits dismiss the sixties as a playpen for lethargic, self-indulgent people and blame them for today's social problems."
"Freedom forced people to improvise at the edges of their imagination in a common quest for transformation. It was not a bad dream; like eall utopian visions it was rooted in high expectations about what people could accomplish when working in concert."
"But accepting the planet as the most inclusive frame of reference subliminally unites rather than divides people, giving them all equal standing under the sun, and diminishes opportunities for contested space, status differentials, and voilence."
"...Women understood that their lot in life was an arbitrary social convention and not a preordained natural state."
"'Do your own thing made authority impossible, even legitamate authority.' Ron admitted. 'We reacted to false authority, which demeans true authority. True authority is skill, insight, and knowledge.'"
"Richard and Kirby assembled a geodesic dome in what had once been the garden of the main house...[list of people] spent the first winter in that fifteen-foot-diameter dome, which also served as the family kitchen and art studio." -pre-reading this book vision for my future, then reading this was insane
"'Capitalism is dying, boy. It's dying of its own internal contradictions. You think that the revolution's gonna take give years. It's gonna take fifty! So keep your head down and hang in for the long-haul, because I'll tell you something. The sons of bitches running things don't give a shit about theier children or their grandchildren, and they certainly don't give a shit about you! They've paid their dues, and they want to get out with theirs! They're gonna sell off everything thats not nailed down tot the highest bidder. Don't get crushed when it topples down. Take care of yourself and your family. If you can make a difference, do it, but there are huge forces at work here, and they have to play themsleves out according to their own design, not yours. Watch yourself.' As far as I can determine, everything he prophesied has come true." -from his dad
"High ideals and visionary brilliance were no substitute for daily practice grounded in spiritual insight."
"'We were creating a culture instead of creating a life.' -Freeman House"
"'People always tell you who they are. If someone laughs and says, Boy, am I a shit! believe them!' I should have remembered."
that book was amazing, i think coyote and i are parallel souls.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
growth
how i understand im not grown up yet
i need people to set things
i cant be alone for the things i will day have to be
guidance
friends influence me
i cling
outbursts
too much change
i think about candy a lot
deadlines hurt
exceedingly jealous for someone who prides herself in trying not to be so
easily swayed in my opinions of others
i still have to brag sometimes
eat too much candy
i need people to set things
i cant be alone for the things i will day have to be
guidance
friends influence me
i cling
outbursts
too much change
i think about candy a lot
deadlines hurt
exceedingly jealous for someone who prides herself in trying not to be so
easily swayed in my opinions of others
i still have to brag sometimes
eat too much candy
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
i like, pt I
i like
cardigans
watercolors
good hair
[my] curly hair
good hair days
good facial hair
cable knit socks
the color of coral
the new marc by mj ads with MIA
neighborhood strips
staying out forever
playing tennis every day
ice wine in multitudes
my friends cars
neptune
text messaging
the vera project
high fives
far fetched crushinz
wes anderson movies
hello kitty guitar picks
having tea expertise
baking
what i think greece would look like
lists
flipping a shit over not too much
pets
good pictures of me
when people think i'm funny
other people i think that're funny
befriending your friends
being your friend
having in actuality a lot of friends
what's wrong with having no point if it don't harm nobody?
cardigans
watercolors
good hair
[my] curly hair
good hair days
good facial hair
cable knit socks
the color of coral
the new marc by mj ads with MIA
neighborhood strips
staying out forever
playing tennis every day
ice wine in multitudes
my friends cars
neptune
text messaging
the vera project
high fives
far fetched crushinz
wes anderson movies
hello kitty guitar picks
having tea expertise
baking
what i think greece would look like
lists
flipping a shit over not too much
pets
good pictures of me
when people think i'm funny
other people i think that're funny
befriending your friends
being your friend
having in actuality a lot of friends
what's wrong with having no point if it don't harm nobody?
so much for the organ.
my soul still longs for its musical counterpart that is a hammond organ, but there are so many records that just came out i can barely keep it in my pants.
kay kay LP
fleet foxes EP
pharmacy EP
shiz man, thats already a considerable chunk of my paycheck for project numero uno from last month. damn.
kay kay LP
fleet foxes EP
pharmacy EP
shiz man, thats already a considerable chunk of my paycheck for project numero uno from last month. damn.
Monday, March 3, 2008
only eighteen days until paradise!
PALM SPRINGS, CALIFORNIA/INDIAN WELLS TENNIS GARDEN
PACIFIC LIFE OPEN 2008
my dreams coming true for reals.
2.5 weeks.
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