artistry

i have too much reserve to be a real artist. anything i want to create has to have some relevance, not always a purpose but just relevance. a lot of times when i'm in the best mood to create i'm very lazy. this is verrry much like right now, but i think its because my head feels like its shrinking (not metaphorically, just closing in slowly). i want to paint watercolors now, actually, because it barely takes half the time to set up as any oil or acrylic adventure of mine would but i don't have any these days. i would draw but i don't want anything as fine or specific as what drawing requires. my minds not even sharp enough for my pencil. i want the blurs of watercolors. i took some pictures with my diana today, which might turn out fun because i like how casual she is and how the pictures do what they want, not do what i want.
i think the final verdict is that i'm going to go read. i have library due dates looming near anyways. this mood might be a good one for recieving information.